By Wendy Williams
I met in January 1973 at the Women’s Hut in Oakland. I was 19 and had heard that women had their own space, so I was excited to see it. I was a college junior doing an independent study to live in Synanon for six months as part of my field experience toward my psychology degree at SUNY Stony Brook. Additionally, I was a yoga student and discovered that some women practiced yoga at the Hut. This would be my first experience in a women’s group.
The first woman I met was Herma from Philadelphia. She was a beautiful, gregarious, and laughing woman who welcomed me with open arms; we made our first connection in Philadelphia. We quickly discovered that I had gone to high school with her cousin, Ivy, who I was astonished to find out was also at Synanon. Additionally, we learned that our mothers lived in the same neighborhood in Northeast Philadelphia.
Her first act of kindness was finding me a dress at the general store and fixing my hair for my very first Saturday night party. At that time, I was a hippie wearing army jackets and jeans, and I hadn’t worn a dress or done my hair while in college. From that moment on, a lifelong friendship and sisterhood blossomed, growing into one of the most meaningful, connected, loving, and fiery relationships of my life that lasted for 52 years.
It is impossible to recreate all of our experiences, shared confidences, and communications that shaped each other’s lives forever.
Herma always took center stage, effortlessly capturing attention, especially from men, and laughed her way through life’s ups and downs. I could be her friend and support her in being number one, providing her with the strength she needed to continually overcome the struggles of her life that led her to Synanon and continued to haunt her.
Despite her adversity, she could become the best at whatever she set out to do, projecting an outer appearance of steadiness, confidence, and even arrogance. However, that was never a true reflection of what was inside; I knew the little girl within. She was always the most beautiful woman in the room and the most talented, whether she was cooking or running Synanon’s food service with her unique flair for creating and teaching. In her role at Adgap, she quickly excelled, taking charge of her own trips and eventually owning her own business after Synanon.
She was a true fashionista, effortlessly creating stunning outfits while hunting for discounts, making it seem like she was worth a million bucks. She had an extraordinary talent for decorating any room or home to perfection, comparable to a top interior decorator. Her greatest passion, however, was her deep appreciation for jazz music; she was the most devoted jazz aficionado I have ever met. Music fed her soul and brought her joy until her last breath.
It’s worth noting that this remarkable woman, who did not graduate from high school or college, outshone many intellectuals with her vast knowledge of words and literature. She earned a lifetime PhD from her commitment to self-learning.
We shared many experiences, including our time at Synanon and moments with the different men in our lives. We traveled around the United States and the world, and we both developed a particular love for France. One of our most memorable trips was to Prague to visit Bonnie. We attended the Dallas/Las Vegas PPAI show together, and walking the aisles with Herma was always a unique experience; every head turned to admire her beauty, which was ever-present.
One year, we went to Düsseldorf for the Europe show and enjoyed that experience together. Our trip concluded in Paris, where we played the part of dignitaries, wearing our fur coats on a cold January day as we strolled by the Seine. We were deliriously happy to be able to have this experienceWe shared an unforgettable trip with Dennis and Louie to Hawaii, where our goal was to help “clean” Dennis up. We also traveled to New York City to work at the Synanon booth during the Premium Trade Show, which was designed by Louie to resemble a safari experience. He dressed us in tuxedos for the occasion. I can vividly picture us walking around NYC, enjoying our favorite Jewish delicacies from the deli, all while laughing and savoring the food in our tuxedos.
Our other passion in life was the spa….We took many trips to Calistoga with our men our just US to engage in The mud bath experience and then eat well ( or as Louie said- eat crops after) When Louie died, she was by my side.. When I got with Tommy she shared my joy like it was her own, and was by my side and supported each new step.
When she began her relationship with Matt, she discovered a new tenderness in her life that felt special and unique. Louie mentioned this to me, and I could see it myself after we had both exited Synanon. This was a turbulent and confusing time in our relationship as we each focused on settling into our new lives. It was the only period when we couldn’t support each other and went our separate ways. However, it was Sheryl who brought us back together; I attended her 50th birthday party in San Francisco, and it was a true joy. It opened up a new world for us to explore outside of Synanon for those who understand the joke.
The connections in our lives were so deep and intertwined that when I left Synanon to join Impax, an ad agency in Philadelphia, I aimed to have a fresh start in my career and build a promotional products division for them. I was given a list of clients to approach and develop.
Believe it or not, my first sales call was to a medical equipment company in Philadelphia. When I met Guy, I mentioned that I had moved from California. To my surprise, he replied that he had a cousin in California and asked if I knew her. Unbelievably, he was talking about HERMA! It felt like we were always destined to be part of each other’s lives.
After leaving Synanon, Herma built her own business with Sheryl and began training Christy. At the same time, I was training my niece, Nicole, while my cousin Deborah Newmark was training her sister, Gail, in the business. My dear friend Rosa was also developing her consulting business and offered her house for a women’s gathering. This event was meant to bring our trainees together so we could share our experiences.
In 1996, a special group was formed called The Jewlattis (a name given to us by Herma). We are three Jewish women from Philadelphia and one Latina. The Jewlattis meet once or twice a year in locations such as Mexico, New York, or California for spa experiences and meaningful conversations. We have supported each other through various journeys in our lives, and that support continues to this day.
Christy, her daughter, moved to Philadelphia to care for her grandmother, Herma’s mom, until her dying days and decided to stay. The circle of connection continued as Christy became my support in taking care of my mother during her last three years, leading up to her passing in May of this year.
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